Skinny Jeans: Can we please hear the final death rattle?

I've recently been on the lookout for some cropped, straight-leg pants that hit just below the waist; the right spring/summer item to be dressed up or down, depending on shoe choice. As always, I started at my Usuals: I'm forever faithful to Old Navy, Target, Anne Taylor Loft, Marshall's, The Banana Republic Outlet, etc. I'm pretty much over the mall – I have a strange aversion to paying $70 for a white button-up shirt. (This means you, Express).
Old Navy and I usually have an amicable relationship; that is to say, I've always found it cute and fairly trendy, but not too young (read: Wet Seal. Is that even around anymore?). I can pick up random, inexpensive pieces that team well with personal or vintage touches, and make it my own for a reasonable price. The designers at Old Navy, it seems, have other ideas. While bypassing the obvious, the multiple tables of “skinny jeans” that don't EVER seem to go away, I noticed that almost every single pant, save for a few styles of regular denim, found it necessary to advertise the unpleasant adjectives “skinny,” “skinny fit,” and “super low-rise”. The hell, Old Navy? I assure you, the 12 year-old girls are still buying their infant-sized clothing at Hollister, and there they shall stay. All I want is a pair of pants that actually covers my derrière and doesn't leave a gap at the waist large enough to fit a lunch box – in other words, I would like to have pants with a zip-fly longer than, well, an actual fly.